21-year-old sister refuses to buy older brother a Christmas gift after he doesn't even get her a card for her birthday despite earning 5K a month: 'He said he hates presents so I don't see the problem'

Author image for Celeste Mello
Celeste Mello • Writer and Editor
Oct 27, 2026 5:15 PM EDT

Why do some people only care about gifts when they're receiving them, but not when it's their turn to give one?

I'm on the sister's side here. We're ALL on the sister's side. I would be hurt if my brother didn't even get me a birthday card and then even dare to expect me to shop from his Christmas wish list. Oh, I see his objections to presents come with seasonal exceptions. That must be convenient, right?

And no, having a birthday doesn't entitle me to an expensive present. But it is a day when people you love make something special for you. I wouldn't calculate what somebody "owes" me based on their salary. That 5K a month mentioned in the story does nothing but reinforce that what stands out here is the lack of effort. A few handwritten lines would have shown that he'd at least thought about her. But he wasn't even capable of doing that. 

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  • An upset sister facing criticism over her decision to skip her brother’s Christmas gift.
    via Unsplash+ (Blake Cheek)

    An upset sister facing criticism over her decision to skip her brother's Christmas gift.

    Representative only.

  • AITA for "punishing" my brother by not getting him a gift

    I turned 21 last month and my older brother didnt get me anything. Not even a card.
    via blueandholy
  • My dad asked me what I wanted to do with him and my brother for my birthday this year so I asked to visit this vegan restaurant I love because they
    via blueandholy
  • do this awesome sweet potato salad concoction lol. Plus my dad said he wanted to be more health aware this year so I thought he'd appreciate a "health" place.
    via blueandholy

  • I'm lucky to get along well with my brother, but I know people who don't and I get that family relationships are, very often, conflictive. A friend of mine has a harder time with hers. Whenever they organize a gift for their mom, she handles everything. She earns more than he does, but he doesn't even make their mom a card. He doesn't make any effort of any kind. And I'm not talking about money. Hearing her frustration has shown me how tiring it gets when one sibling leaves all the effort to the other.

  • Anyway my dad starts driving us to the spot and passes me my gift through the gap in the chair. (Its locket with a picture of my recently passed cat and one of her teeth encased in resin. I love it and it means so much to me).
    via blueandholy
  • My brother asks to see it and D in near screams and throws the box back at my face and says its gross/disgusting and why would I ever want that. I think its a little ride but I know how he is and I just want to have a good day so I leave it.
    via blueandholy
  • I than jokingly ask where my present from him is if my dad's was so "gross" he says "oh I hate getting presents for my birthday so I didnt get you one"....what? He's never mentioned not liking presents before but okay.
    via blueandholy
  • I asked "oh..not even a card?" And he gets quiet and says no, he didnt get me anything.
    via blueandholy

  • His dislike of receiving birthday presents says nothing about what his sister wants. That makes no sense. If I'm celebrating someone else, I want to consider what would make them happy. Not me. My preferences don't excuse making no effort for theirs. 

  • A colorful birthday card, illustrating the simple gesture her brother didn’t make for her 21st birthday.
    via Unsplash+ (Siora Photography)

    A colorful birthday card, illustrating the simple gesture her brother didn't make for her 21st birthday.

    Model representation. 

  • Dinner went fine until the end when my brother called me stupid and began shouting because i said the wrong word in relation to a game mechanic on COD.
    via blueandholy

  • The argument over a Call of Duty term makes the evening sound even more exhausting. I would like to enjoy my birthday dinner without having to pass a gaming vocabulary test. No one cares about how you call whatever in that game. It's your sister's birthday. Just try to have a good time with her and appreciate her.

  • He also said he'd pay for his meal but my dad ended up having to pay as he "forgot his card". He promised hed pay our dad back but never did.
    via blueandholy
  • Fast forward to yesterday my dad sent me my brothers Christmas list (we all make one, parents included and just get whatever we can afford off the list). I tell my dad hes not getting anything from me this year after he didnt get me a card for my birthday.
    via blueandholy
  • Wrapped presents beneath a Christmas tree, representing the gift a sister decides not to buy for her older brother.
    via Unsplash+ (Julia Blumberg)

    Wrapped presents beneath a Christmas tree, representing the gift a sister decides not to buy for her older brother.

    Stock photo unrelated.

  • My dad thinks this is unfair and petty but my brother makes 5 grand a month and couldn't even get me a card for my 21st? Plus he said he hates presents so I dont see the problem.
    via blueandholy
  • Apparently my dad mentioned this to my brother last night because now my phones blowing up with messages from him asking why im punishing him by not getting him a gift because he "forgot" my birthday card.
    via blueandholy

  • It's not that she “punishes” him. She only wanted some thoughtfulness from her brother. And if I were her, I'd want him to take my disappointment seriously before asking me to make an effort for him after being so dismissive. I could forgive a forgotten card. I could appreciate an apology and an attempt to make things right. But are you really saying you forgot? Is that your excuse? I'd rather hear that you understand why I cared.

  • Cheezburger Image 10673241600
    via FITNESS1211
  • Swirlyflurry NTA Your brother was selfish on your birthday, why should you give him any consideration for Christmas?
    via Swirlyflurry
  • Cheezburger Image 10673240832
    via blueandholy
  • Cheezburger Image 10673241344
    via ShiftyLookingBadger
  • Cheezburger Image 10673241856
    via TrueNorthTalks
  • Cheezburger Image 10673241088
    via Cezzium

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Tags

family drama brother gift giving siblings christmas gifts christmas list sister wish list birthday gift
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